In today’s world there is a strong tendency to avoid responsibility, make excuses and blame everyone and everything for situations we don’t like or results we are not happy with: “It’s not my job.”  “It’s his fault.”  “If I only had more time.” “It’s because of the rain… wind … sun …”,  etc.  One part of cognitive therapy teaches individuals to think and say positive things about themselves. Through repetition of  positive thoughts read out loud, you can make effective changes in your behaviors and life.

I believe taking personal responsibility is related to mental health. In cognitive behavioral therapy, I teach clients to condemn the behavior but not the person. I also teach and practice the use of affirmations; sayings, thoughts or phrases that are repeated at regular intervals.

Here are some ideas adapted from an article written by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller:

- I am responsible for the thoughts I think.

- I am responsible for the feelings I feel.

- I am responsible for the choices I make.

- I am responsible for my actions.

- I am responsible for how I use my time.

- I am responsible for my relations with others.

- I am responsible for what I learn.

- I am responsible to accomplishing my goals.

- I am responsible for my values, morals and ethics.

- I am responsible for what I read and listen to.

- I am responsible for what I believe.

- I am responsible for what I say to others.

- I am responsible for my happiness.

Use these affirmations regularly and see what difference they make in your life.

At the root of the caregiver’s problem is the often perfectionist notion that they should take care of the parent around the clock and are fully responsible for the parents well being. As a result, they don’t take enough time to manage their own lives and stress and feel guilty when they do. 

Recently, a therapist colleague reached out at a group meeting to share her personal struggles in this area. When someone suggested she take more time for herself and assured her that she was doing a fine job as a loving daughter and caretaker, she said , “Yes, I know that intellectually, but I don’t FEEL it”. 

I chimed in and posed the following; I would guess by that you mean that you occasionally during the day tell yourself that you need and have a right to take some time for yourself, but with far greater frequency you tell yourself that you really should be at her side and should not be taking the time away, that if something happened, it would be your fault, etc.” She readily agreed that is exactly what says to herself often during the day. 

She agreed to work on this and thanked me for my insight and suggestion. 

Adult children of elderly parents need to have a degree of “healthy selfishness” and take care of themselves so they may have the physical and emotional energy available for their parents.

As a psychologist practicing in Boca Raton, Florida I have a number of elderly clients I work with as well as have opportunities to interact with a number “super seniors” who live, work and play in the community.

Suzanne Sommers believes that taking a regimen of hormones along with her continued involvement in fitness will allow her to age successfully into her 100’s.

Some research indicates that calorie restriction, that is eating around 1500 calories a day, is one of the important behaviors associated with longevity. A vegetarian diet, and movement, whether through direct exercise, hobbies or work had strong associations with longevity.

Jack La Lanne claimed he was exercising 2 hours a day and drinking fresh squeezed juices and vegetables into his 90’s.

A yoga based “laughter program” was advocated as a key to longevity bases on the idea that laughter creates more oxygen for the body and brain.

The mind needs to be exercised as well and there are centers opening with computer based game programs designed to strength mental faculties the same way lifting weights strengthens muscles.

From a psychological perspective generally, reducing stress by not worrying, nor sticking rigidly to time demands, having something you look forward to doing each day and not holding grudges were some of the behaviors and attitudes conveyed by those who had achieved longevity.

Because I am a psychologist and treat people with this problem, you may view me as self-serving. However, I just viewed the latest television advertisement for the smoking cessation drug, Chantix and it scared the death out of me. Of the 60 seconds of the commercial, the announcer spent 40 or two thirds of the time warning about the side effects of the medication- which could include DEATH!  Given the significant and serious side effects this “prescription” drug has, drug therapy should be considered the treatment of last resort ( and it might be for some people!)

In my experience, some people will need and benefit by counseling because “smoking” is just the tip of the iceberg and until they recognize and effectively deal with the multiple sources of the stress in their lives, they will continue to rely on smoking as a coping method.

For others, hypnosis can be a useful and effective strategy that I customize with each client. The treatment program is usually between 3-5 sessions.

 For those who want to try self-help first or to learn more about treatment options and methods, they can check out my pocket-sized guidebook, “Freedom from Tobacco”, available at the products section of www.cognitivetherapy.com

Once you determine if it is emotional eating and the particular emotion you are trying to satisfy by eating, work on develop healthier ways to deal with your feelings. Sometimes it may be changing your thoughts and attitudes, other times, you may need to change your behavior and still others, possibly changing the situation or circumstances. 

Attitude change is best learned through approaches like cognitive therapy and rational emotive behavior therapy. Changing your behaviors might include practicing slow, deep breathing to relieve stress. Changing the circumstance might include engaging in an activity like jogging.

For more tips and strategies, check-out my self-help guide, “Weight Management” has lots of things you can do to effectively, safely and naturally manage your weight AND your life. It is available at www.cognitivetherapy.cc.

1.Half of the patients with major depression disorder derive little benefit from taking anti-depressant medication.

2.There is no evidence that medications reduce risk for subsequent symptom even though standard practice has evolved to keep most patients on medication indefinitely.

3.Cognitive and behavioral interventions may be more enduring and therefore more cost-efficient than medication treatment over time.

4.Given that the efficacy of medication has been overstated in the published literature, that at least half of all people with major depression derive little benefit from medication and that drugs provide no lasting benefits when discontinued, a case can be made that that cognitive or behavioral interventions are at least as viable as medications as the preferred first-line treatments of choice for depression.

5.In the hands of an expert, cognitive therapist may be preferred to medication because of its enduring effect and freedom from side effects.

As a psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida I often treat patients suffering from depression. In my experience, most individuals hate the side effects of medications and much prefer learning skills they can use to feel better and get better.

Here is another point to ponder: If someone is depressed because they lost their job or a loved one, wouldn’t it make more sense to talk about it with a trained mental health care professional to address the feelings and concerns rather than “numbing” feelings with drugs? Isn’t “drugging” similar to drowning one’s sorrows with alcohol?

Cognitive therapy is a focused, solution based approach to emotional problem solving with substantial evidence behind it as an effective approach, especially when used by highly trained and experienced therapists.

For those seeking a drug free alternative to medications cognitive therapy should be given serious consideration as a treatment approach for depression. A brief, pocket-sized educational guidebook, “Depression”, is available at www.cognitivetherapy.cc.

This quote is not by a famous “psychologist” but the Oscar winning actor, Laurence Olivier.

Perfectionism is an illusion. Both achieving it and maintaining it even if you think you have it, just leads to anxiety, stress, depression and low self-worth. Perfectionists feel they are never good enough. It is like pouring water into a funnel. No matter how much you put in, it never stays full.

When you strive to do your best, you are focusing in on what you can control, appreciate your efforts and have goals you can work towards achieving. Your opportunities for improving and getting better increase and you feel good about your efforts and your progress towards your goals.

These are some of the ideas I explore with my clients in my Boca Raton office and through the many counseling clients I work with by phone and SKYPE.

As a cognitive therapist, I help people recognize and improve the way they think in order to feel and behave better. While understanding the past is useful in knowing how you learned to develop your thoughts and beliefs, changing them is often the key to both feeling and getting better and achieving success and excellence.

For articles, books and other “self-help” information visit, www.cognitivetherapy.cc

It reminds me of a saying I sometimes forget, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff- most of it is small stuff”. Having a tragedy like this hit so close to home provides a real “emotional perspective”. How many times do we depress ourselves or get overly anxious or upset by so many things in life that matter so little?

Catastrophic life events like this serve as a reminder to be grateful for what we have and appreciate our lives regardless of how tough things can sometimes be. We often react to life’s annoyances, inconveniences and difficulties “as if” they were major catastrophies. Reminding ourselves to keep our emotions in line with the seriousness of the situation will reduce a great deal of stress, anxiety and depression.

So, as you go about your day, cultivate an “attitude of gratitude” and “Don’t sweat the small stuff”.

While problems with sleep can be both a cause and effect on anxiety, depression and related problems, often times, poor sleep habits is a key contributor. 

Creating healthy routines around sleep can reduce the risk of sleep difficulties and its related negative consequences. 

Going to bed and awakening the same time each day may take some planning and discipline but it is well worth the effort. A calming down ritual prior to bedtime is helpful such as reading or taking a bath. Sleeping in a dark room is naturally associated with sleep. 

For those who tend to “worry” or “overthink” at bedtime, slow, deep breathing and visualizing quiet, peaceful and calming images relax the body and mind. 

Finally, we need to accept the fact that our body and mind needs sleep to function at its best and that it is in our best interest to avoid the tendency to cut back on our sleep to fit t more and more into a busier and busier day and lifestyle. 

Address comments and questions to Dr.Robert Heller at www.cognitivetherapy.cc.