Dr. Robert Heller

Being a psychologist who is affiliated with the secular humanistic Judaism, I attended services on the High Holidays. Rosh Hashanah starts the holiday which ends ten days later on Yom Kippur. The time between these two holidays is designed for self-reflection on ones life and behaviors with the aim of continuing to grow and improve thoughts and deeds.

The leader of the Sunday school asked the children to think about their behaviors during the past year and write down and publicly share what they want to do better in the coming year. Responses ranged from doing better in cleaning up my room to fighting less with my brother or sister. 

The point is, values were an important part of the children’s education and they were asked to reflect and share and to focus on idea of accepting responsibility for one’s actions and making efforts to do better. The leader thanked the kids for their contribution and the congregation applauded at the end; providing “reinforcement” for their efforts and indirectly providing motivation for this type of behavior in the future. 

Parents can provide similar experiences for their children at other holidays such as Thanksgiving. 

Teaching self-awareness and the importance of setting goals for personal improvement is a vital part of  raising  well adjusted children. As a cognitive-behavioral psychologist and a humanist, these are the same skills I work on with children, adolescents and adults in my practice and teach parents how to incorporate these and other values in their home.  Teaching values at an early age through the home, school and community is the best hope for a healthy and strong society.

Since I work with many clients who have depression and/or anxiety, I am often asked about whether or not they should be on medication.  Since I am not a medical doctor I never make specific recommendations. However, a recent article in The National Psychologist suggests that the vast majority of prescriptions  for psychotropic medications are written by primary care physicians and without a thorough diagnostic evaluation. It further states that this prescribing of psychotropic medication is usually the first line treatment in caring for patients with psychiatric symptoms whether they need it or not.

In my experience most patients can be effectively treated for anxiety and depression by working on their underlying causes, which in most cases is psychological and not biological. There is ample empirical evidence as to the success and effectiveness of cognitive-behavioral therapy, rational-emotive behavioral therapy and related approaches.

In cases of extreme depression and/or anxiety, adding medication to the therapy seems to provide increased effectiveness based on research studies. Even in these cases, I have often found clients willing to learn and use the tools of CBT and REBT can get better or get off medications they are currently on.

 When clients NEED medication, I prefer they be evaluated and monitored by a psychiatrist rather than the primary  care physician and I do my best to talk with that health care provider to coordinate treatment.

Having just returned from attending services on the holiest of the Jewish High Holidays, Yom Kippur, I was reminded of the similarities between the ideas and philosophy of secular humanistic judiasm and those of Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy, REBT. The founder of humanistic Judiasm, Rabbi Sherman Wine and the founder of Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy, Dr. Albert Ellis, founded their movements in the early 1960’s, independently of each other, yet the principles and practices that flow from they are strikingly similar. COGNITIVE THERAPY (CBT), founded by Dr. Aaron Beck also shares many of these common ideas and themes. The ideas that as human beings, we are all imperfect and need to accept ourselves with our flaws, forgiveness of ourselves and others, saying what we believe and believing what we say are but of small part of the important values that IF we learn to embrace, can lead to less anxiety and depression and far greater happiness in our lives. Free of psychobabble, the words are clear, practical and also support the importance of following up our words with deeds and actions; again the core of “ COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPY).

As I reflect and absorb what I have heard and read in our services over the past 10 days I shall attempt to integrate this knowledge in both my personal life and professional work with my clients.

A recent article in a local magazine talked about midlife crisis in men. As a practitioner of cognitive therapy and a psychologist who has worked with many males going through changes in their life, I view it as a normal phase of life rather than evidence of deep seated problems that needs psychotherapy. “Life Coaching” is a term that better reflects their needs; the opportunity to discuss their concerns and dilemmas with an intelligent, caring and wise professional who will both listen AND provide advise, counsel and direction.  Midlife crisis is really a descrepancy between where we believe we ought to be at a stage in our life and the reality of where we are. If a man believes he should have earned enough money to retire comfortably by age 50 and he hasn’t, he may feel inadequate or view himself as a failure. A basic life assumption has been shattered and he needs to re-define success and self-worth.  The same would hold true for the male who is divorced one or more times and feels the promise of a long and happy life with a mate hasn’t materialized and very likely will not. In cognitive therapy (CBT), I teach men that they can still find happiness and satisfaction in spite of their disappointments and limitations. We work on things they can control which enables them to not only feel better but get better!

Cognitive Therapy, or CBT is an approach taught and practiced by an increasing number  of mental health professionals because of its emprical base, practical appeal and clinical effectiveness. A variantof CBT is Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy or REBT. While CBT was developed by psychiatrist, Dr. Aaron Beck and REBT was developed by psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, both approaches place a strong emphasis of the importance of how CURRENT thoughts, attitudes and beliefs impact current feelings and behaviors. The two most popular self-help books on the subject are probably “A New Guide  to Rational Living” by Ellis and Harper and “Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy”, by David Burns.

I was fortunate to have been personally trained by Dr. Albert Ellis at the Albert Ellis Institute in New York. Over the past 30 years, I have incorporated both REBT and CBT into my private practice and had much success in helping many clients who have had both serious and complex problems. Once you learn this emotional problem solving approach you can use it to reduce and overcome negative emotions such as excessive fear, worry, anxiety, anger, guilt and depression. REBT and CBT have also been effecitvely use with addictions, PTSD and a wide range of mental and emotional disorders.

I learned last week that Dr. Gerry Elmore, a caring, compassionate and skilled chiropractor I had gone to a number of times over the years had lost his battle with cancer after suffering for two years. In his 50’s with a wife and children, he left us far too soon.

One of the things we learn and teach in cognitive therapy is emotional perspective. His passing reminds me of the frequent times I allow myself to be bothered and upset by things that really don’t matter very much.  I remind myself to appreciate what I have and enjoy the moments on earth I have been given. Behavior therapy teaches us to not only think but act. I head to the beach to watch to sunrise and stroll along the sand reflecting on the loss of this kind man and recommitting to the idea of counting my blessings. 

Grieving is a normal and healthy part of dealing with loss. Celebrating a life well lived is another healthy way to handle the loss of a love one.  But appropriate sadness doesn’t have to lead to clinical depression. I find myself reviewing my own guidebook , “Depression,” by Dr.Robert Heller. I remind myself that “life is not fair” and that “bad things happen to good people”. I commit to writing his wife, avoid “sweating the small stuff” and taking more time to spend with friends and experience joy and create positive memories.