Dr. Robert Heller

A well known phrase is, “Music calms the savage beast.” As we were stuck in traffic heading up to Maine, I found myself searching the car radio for just the right song to keep my frustration in check. Whether it is listening, playing or performing, music has the potential to keep us calm and relaxed or cheerful and happy. Since music is sound, nature provides similar relaxing effects. As we walked the path overlooking the ocean from Perkin’s Cove to the Ogunquit Beach, you could hear the sounds of the seagulls, the songs of birds and the rhythmic pattern of the wave’s lapping on the shore.

Later that night, we went to the Front Porch, and listened and sang at the piano bar. My friend Esther, a psychologist I have known for many years met us there and even sang a solo! The good news, no special talent required! Everyone sings and the good voices drown out and sometimes blend with the bad but after 30 minutes, all seem to enjoy familiar old show tunes and classic songs. The finale is “The Judy Show,” a female impersonator with a great voice who told great jokes and stories.

Music has a profound effect on our mood and feelings. I will continue to look for ways to incorporate it into my life and encourage my friends, family and clients to do likewise.

Today’s visit to Wakefield, Mass., a working class town started with a hearty breakfast at the local diner. The smiles and greetings of the friendly waitress and re-affirmation of my breakfast choice already had me feeling relaxed and cheerful. A few minutes later, Steve and I were walking around the town lake as we looked at geese and the sail boat house off in the distance. Water has always been known for its calming effect and the beautiful sunny day only enhanced it for us.

Next, we took the 90 minute drive to Newport Rhode Island. The Cliff walk was amazing: beautiful mansions to the right and breathtaking views of the ocean and sailboats to our right. Afterwards we shared a double lobster roll from the beach. A 15 minute drive and we were in Portsmouth, at the home of my long time friends Bertreund and Catherine. Although I hadn’t seen them in 15 years, after 5 minutes, it was as if it was only yesterday. As we sipped wine on the porch of their beautifully restored cottage, Catherine brought us some freshly picked small tomatoes from the garden to munch on. I remember Bertruend used to practice his golf by hitting balls from his yard over the cliffs into the ocean. At low tide, he would walk down to the sea and collect them along with some clams to make as a snack with dinner. Tonight, we went for a swim in ocean. The protected cove was quiet and peaceful. The water was cool and refreshing and the smell of the salt air, delicious. Stress was the furthest thing on my mind. The natural surroundings were breath taking and the simple pleasures my friend continued to enjoy was a breath of fresh air. As we sat down to dinner the warmth and simplicity of the home was immediately apparent. Catherine whipped together grilled shrimp apetizers and a delicious pork loin dinner with ease. We reminiced about our past exploits together as young men in Virginia and two hours seemed like two minutes. The company of good friends, enjoyment of simple pleasures and beauty of nature provided a natural stress reduction experience beyond compare. I slept like a baby last night!

As I start the second week of my “vacation” , visiting friends and family, I am reminded by a close friend of mind that “relationships are the currency of life.” In today’s culture, the multitude of tasks and responsibilities make it challenging to keep up with friends and family. Many of us complain of loneliness, feeling isolated or disconnected. Yet, the reality is we need to put in the time and effort to keep these relationships strong and alive.

Celebrating my nieces recovery from cancer was the start of my trip. Since then, I have traveled to 3 states to see friends and colleagues from my earlier days living in the Boston area. By the end of next week, I will add 2 more!
It’s a lot of traveling in a short period of time but people are spread out now so it takes time and miles to do this.

While e-mails, texts and phone calls are fine in and of themselves, there is nothing like sharing and creating experiences with friends and loved ones to re-kindle old relationships and solidify newer ones. Experiences are what memories are made of. Memories are powerful triggers to our emotions. So, I intend to accumulate as many positive experiences with friends and family over the next week and return home with a re-newed sense of energy and purpose.

A recent study reported in the journal Hypertension supports earlier work that anger can increase the risk for heart attack. Chronic anger actually narrows the arteries in the neck and boosts the risk for cardiac disease. People who are antagonistic, distrustful, skeptical, cynical, manipulative, self-centered, arrogant and quick to express anger would fall into this category.

Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) provides an approach to help recognize, understand and change the underlying thought patterns and attitudes that give rise to these behaviors and the emotion of anger. Many cognitive and behavioral methods to manage anger are described in ANGER MANAGEMENT by Dr. Robet Heller. My compact, pocket-sized book provides many tips, suggestions and methods for changing the way you think, feel and act. For example, “Think before you act.” Understand the situation and consider other reasons and possibilities as your assumptions may be wrong or incomplete. I can remember some time ago, feeling very angry and annoyed when I repeatedly asked someone on the adjacent tennis court to return a ball. Rather than my incorrect assumption that he was being rude and ignoring me, it turned out that he was deaf and his hearing aid was turned off!

By learning to control our anger, we create better physical and emotional health for ourselves as well as those we come in contact with.

Self-help books have been growing increasingly popular over the past 50 years. One of the earliest and best of the bunch continues to be  Albert Ellis’s, “A New Guide to Rational-Emotive Therapy”.  As a practicing cognitive-behavioral therapist, I have recommended this book to clients for years. It clearly explains and demonstrates the application of Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to reducing anger, depression and anxiety. Inspired by the power and usefulness of self-help books, particular of a cognitive-behavioral nature, I developed my own series targeting specific areas like anger, stress, depression and worry. I called it the “pocket therapist” series. The books are compact and designed to be carried in a pocket or purse so that they can be read  and referred to easily and often. The self-help guides on Alcohol and Depression have been included in the bookstore of the Albert Ellis Institute and a related series geared for the military and their families is used by the armed services.

With the trend moving rapidly towards “apps”, I have no doubt that more and more self-help materials will be obtained through electronic devices of all sorts and self-help education through traditional books will continue to decline. However, I believe that self-help books will continue to be read and of value to a smaller market of those who prefer to learn visually rather than auditoraly.

A long time friend of mine is doing a good job at beating brain cancer and writing about his experience. In addition to traditional treatment, he has identified seven key to be especially important. Of the 7, two are very clearly self-help skills commonly taught in cognitive-behavioral therapy and considered core mind-body tools.

1. Eliminate the use of cell phones. Get phones with the lowest radiation and only use them on speaker or with an attachment. In short, keep the phone far from your ear ( and brain).
2. Reduce stress. Use the ABC’s of Emotion as developed by the pioneer of Rational-Emotive Behavioral therapy, Dr. Albert Ellis to help you look at every situation in the best possible light.
3. Exercise daily.
4. Eliminate sugar.
5. Develop and maintain your social connections.
6. Use an infrared sauna daily.
7. Practice visualization such as picturing the tumor shrinking. 

The mind-body connection is very strong and many of these suggestions probably make a great deal of sense  to almost anyone. Cognitive therapists can provide education, instruction and training in a number  of these methods.

I am a big fan of incorporating natural solutions for managing depression and improving moods.It’s well known that music, pictures and related factors can trigger positive and negative memories and impact how we feel and act.  I recently came across a top 10 list of recommended movies to elevate your mood when you are down. They include: Love Actually, It’s a wonderful life, Tootsie, The Shawshank Redemption, Babe, The Blind Side, Up, Under the Tuscan Sun, and The Sound of Music. Movies can inspire, motivate and encourage; a natural way to cope with depression. I would love to hear from others what movies or songs you have watched or listened to that have helped when feeling depressed.

Last night’s television show on “hoarding” featured two cognitive-behavioral psychologists doing some initial work with severe hoarder’s. In addition to the help of a therapist, each patient also had the assistance of a professional organizer to slowly and systematically make practical decisions as the emotional part of the treatment was progressing. This obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), like most problems, varies widely and is on a continuum from mild to severe. The important point is that if left untreated, OCD gets worse. While I don’t personally see many hoarders, I do work with a number of people who suffer from obsessive and compulsive behaviors. I use Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy, REBT, a cognitive-behavioral approach developed by Dr. Albert Ellis. Sometimes I incorporate hypnosis and EMDR depending on the needs of the client.